Relationship Model -Solutions

Marriage's Journey

 

". . . our life reminds me

of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing

and in that opening a house,

an orchard and garden,

comfortable shades, and flowers . . .

 

The forest is mostly dark, its ways

to be made anew day after day, the dark

richer than the light and more blessed,

provided we stay brave

enough to keep on going in . . ."

Wendell Barry,

from "The Country of Marriage"

 

"I don't think marriages break up because of what you do to each other.  They break up because of what you must become in order to stay in them."

Carol Mathau

A New Manner Of Thinking

"A human being is part of the whole called by us universe , a part limited in time and space.

We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest.

A kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty...

We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive."

 

Albert Einstein

Summary

·      People are defined more clearly by their Intentions than by their behavior. People’s Core Intentions are to be seen, understood, accepted, chosen and valued.  Getting only attention from others is the original purpose of behavior, however incomplete in feeling valued.

·      Where two people are in relationship, there are at the very least four participants (personalities) present.  Two sets of behaviors and two independent Selves.

·      When reacting to another, we only see behavior. Reacting leaves residue, which lowers productivity.

·      When responding to another, we speak to their behavior & their intentions. Responding improves results and productivity.

·      Threshold conversations involve a specific person, acting out a specific behavior, which does not help in resolving a misunderstanding.  The behavior is always one we are hypersensitive to their behavior, based on our childhood conditioning.  The solution requires us to use a contrary (abnormal for us) behavior to counteract the default reaction.


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© Scott Taylor 2016