Convergence Relationship Model

Convergent Relationship ModelTM
Copyright ©1984-2016 Liminal Systems, Inc. All rights reserved.

What is the Convergent Relationship ModelTM?

Convergent: tending to come together from different directions; tendency to one point; the occurrence of two or more things coming together; tending to a representation of common ground

between theories or phenomena the act of coming closer

Convergence: the act of converging and especially moving toward union or uniformity; independent development of similar characters (as of bodily structure or cultural traits) often associated with similarity of habits or environment).

Relationship: the state of being related; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as; a specific instance or type of kinship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings; the relationship between the variables connecting or binding participants; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings

A model that explains how and why relationship miscommunications originate, develop and re-occur when people interact.

The Convergent Relationship ModelTM was born out of the need to answer these questions:
1. "Why do well educated, experienced, mature leaders sometimes communicate in ways that

have an unproductive, negative effect on their co-workers?"
2. "Why, when a leader's intentions are to inspire, inform, correct, re-align or acknowledge

employees, they are often baffled by seeing the opposite result?" 3. "Why are good intentions to help often received as criticism?"

The Convergent Relationship ModelTM explains:
1. Why people show a responsive, neutral, questioning or reactive demeanor towards specific

behaviors of co-workers, family, friends and strangers.
2. Why these four behaviors are automatic, unconscious and recurring patterns.
3. Why we generalized personalities of others and miss the essence of how they see

themselves.
4. Why others misunderstand our intentions, behaviors, and communications.

5. How we can get others attention, yet may be unable to be understood. 6. Why we override common sense in favor of our beliefs.

7. How discussions can accelerate to misunderstandings.
8. Why we prefer to be right rather than mutually productive.

The Convergent Relationship ModelTM resolves the:
1. Struggle new work teams experience due to differences in management style, cultural belief,

lifestyle, experience, maturity, gender, and commitment.
2. Loss of productivity, time and resources when communications break down.

3. Misunderstandings when attempting to communicate to others.
4. Compulsive, reactive, and unconscious behavior that does not produce the effect or results

we intended.
5. 'Out of Options' syndrome that limits our communication with others.

What is our behavior?

Acting out, verbal and non-verbal behavior, signals others our desire to take a walk, set appointments, form alliances, work on projects, discuss issues and create plans for the future.

People want to add value to their company and families. They want to £§ valued for their contribution. We show this in the way we behave. However, most of us also feel that there is

'something more' we should be getting from valued relationships at work and at home. That

'something more' is what the Convergent Relationship ModelTM resolves - How to be seen, understood and valued by others.

So, what is this 'something more?' See if these examples bring up feelings of "There must be something more that I am missing."

1. Do others sometimes miss the intention behind your words?
• Do others become defensive or silent when all you intended was to explain the facts or

your feelings about a subject?
• Have you ever been in an argument when what you intended was only to explain your

point of view?
• Have you intended to point out a helpful, constructive criticism to another and have it

backfire?
• Have you written a letter, e-mail, or performance review and had the recipient or over

react misunderstand.

2. Do others misread your feelings?
• Has your passionate feeling for a position been interpreted as aggressiveness or

insensitivity?
• Have your friendly feelings been received as wanting something beyond friendship?

• Have others misunderstood the feeling behind the tone of your voice.
• Have you felt that the threatening look on another's face was meant for you and then find out

is was intended for another?
• Have others said you look sad when you feel OK? Or when you have said someone looks

tired, and they deny it?

Convergent Relationship ModelTM assumes the following:

• Everyone has an unconscious, default family code that contains a set of beliefs based on what behavior is acceptable in relationships with other's. This code forms a default blueprint that repeatedly and unconsciously regulates the boundaries for 'normal' feelings.

• The default blueprint is consists of concentric rings of acceptable behavior patterns learned

during early childhood conditioning. Acceptable in the sense of what the child's primary caregivers believe is 'normal' to feel when experiencing other's behavior. The default blueprint is implemented by a phantom twin developed in the psyche of the child by their caregivers.

• The phantom twin is created when the child succumbs to the dominate worldview of the

caregivers. The child has little choice but to adapt to, and adopt, the caregiver's own default blueprint and phantom twin.

• The caregiver's dominate worldview splits the child's psyche into two personalities. One

aspect remains as the original child. The other, a phantom twin, becomes a powerful force to protect the original child from traumatic feelings of pain or loss of self when relating to the

caregivers.

• NOTE: There is no implied good or bad to any concept Words are only being assigned to model what every person goes through in childhood. To explain what is. The caregiver applies the best relationship model they have learned. The phantom twin is split off from the ohginal child to protect it from harm.

• The original child, is the one we want the world to see - good, talented, the best, the chosen one, and the hero or the heroine. However, this child lives in fear of being found out,

being accused of wrong behavior, making poor choices or being disconnected from it's perceived source of safety. It can only feel safe if it is acting within the caregiver's default blueprint.

• The other twin, the phantom twin, is psychically split off from the original child by the dominate worldview of the caregivers. This occurred when the caregiver's behavior and

language, used during rearing the child, conflict with the original child's innate feeling of safe or unsafe conditions. This conflict creates confusion and emotional distress around the

child's connection to the caregiver. The phantom twin is empowered to render unconscious the original child and to insert a survival behavior. 

• It is constantly searching the environment to determine if other's behaviors are safe or unsafe.

• Without taking the phantom twin's use of the default blueprint into consideration, learning

how to control relationship outcomes or make changes to our behavior is futile. The

phantom twin's influence is more powerful than our will, reason, desire, intellect, or threat from others. Even the welfare of our loved ones, children, jobs or communities remains

secondary to the survival of our default blueprint.

To understand and override the phantom twin we must learn the answers to the following: How you were hardwired?

I How is the cause of feeling is lost
How wiring keeps us from achieving what we desire?

Why we are not our behavior?
Behavior is our way to get other peoples attention.

The power of the survival child to dominate feelings and behavior. Projection can halt change and desired results.

Reactions to other's behavior keep our behavior frozen and limit optional ways to reach our dreams.

How to build on our unique imperfections.
Management of tasks, times and resources with a pie chart. 


Copyright © 2016 Scott Taylor Consulting  All Rights Reserved.

© Scott Taylor 2016