Life Development is a place to share my personal exploration and comment more deeply on what I find important in life.
From the site name you can make the assumption that relationships are important from my perspective. You would be correct.
This is a bountiful life we are given, with unlimited opportunity to engage with what interests us. However remember, what we are drawn to often leads to our undoing, frustration, depression or discontent.
For me life is about relationship
. Nothing else can replace contact with others during life or death. I have struggled with my own relationships and come through the experience a better person and communicator.
I have been obsessed by the habitual-hardwired behaviors we all act out in conversations, why those behaviors exist and how they can be reframed if they are not working for us.
Every day I hear relationship advice that falls short. It comes from popular talk show hosts, parent, siblings or it can be read in self-help articles or books. The majority of the advise is unrealistic, misguided and just plain wrong. Why? Because if you could actually be successful at what they are advising, you would do it and see immediate results. That just doesn’t happen. We remain our disfunctional selves and hope for a miricle.
More often than not we find ourselves right back in the same situation that did not work. So what do we need? Well that is what this site is about. I will share skills you can understand, are easy to learn, and logical. However they are more challenging in real time. Difficult, but not impossible. And when you are successful all the rest of your relationships will make sense. Will you have only wonderful relationship from now on? No, but you will know why!
Let me give an analogy before heading off to the site content. Plants grow in specific habitats. Plants grow according to the available water, minerals and sun. Few plants live in a perfect environment. Most adapt to their surroundings. Like the plant we grew up in the specific (hard wired) habitat of our parents. We developed our individual relationship-behavior model. None of us lived in the perfect family environment. We adapted to our surroundings. So like plants, we grow up with less than perfect in relationship skills. What we were give by our parents is what we use.
For thirty years, in 100+ corporations, I have coached corporate executives to be mindful of their communication behavior in their careers & families. They may dislike, disagree with or even hate some of their coworkers or family members. My job is to, in several hours not months, help people communicate with other significant others - where they both get a sense of being seen, understood, accepted, chosen and valued. They both get what they intended. At the core of my practice is a skill that allows two or more people to stay in a conversation even when it becomes frustrating, mean spirited or even boring. A skill that works equally well with children, a husband, a wife, a friend and family members.
PRINCIPLES FOR LIVING A HEALTHY LIFE
We all survived childhood-there was no choice.
Learn how you were "hardwired," then use your unique style to help others.
Life is about relationships-not things or jobs.
Healthy Parents & Managers
Create safe environments for self and others.
Use and model healthy relationship skills.
Verbalize your feelings, then teach others.
Make agreements to communicate with healthy skills.
Daily Communication
Show up. (Arrive)
Pay attention. (Attend)
Tell the truth. (Feel)
No attachment to the outcome. (Yield)
Techniques and skills
OREO Technique
Engage the person (unique self) with a positive statement.
Inquiry if you can talk about a particular behavior.
Suggest again your positive statement.
Characteristic List
Write a negative characteristic list for the person with whom you have difficult communications.
Sit quietly and find the characteristics within yourself.
Feel the characteristics.
Expand your container.
Write A Letter/Read The Lette
Dysfunctional System Concepts
We are 100% responsible for how we feel.
We cannot feel anything we are not wired for from childhood.
We need to name our/the primary stressor in our lives.
Don't blame others for their behavior, however we need to hold adults responsible and accountable.
Be aware of your reaction or response to other people.
Avoid projecting your discomfort and holding it on other
Thoughts For The Grave
By reflecting on my projections on others and asking what's missing inside myself, I have developed a primary relationship with a Core, a sense of Home or Self.
This primary relationship is experienced in those projections on others and through my conscious reflection of the Self personified inside me. Through this process I am offered options, choices and alternatives to negotiate my days and nights.
It is through grace that I continue to take the next step, to face directly my deepest pain, fear and grief. It is for the stability, sureness, and connectedness received that I trace and re-trace my tangled web of mental-emotional lines, threads and linkages. They as a whole make sense unconsciously; yet consciously show only my self-centeredness.
Moment by moment I step into this relationship, present myself and then make choices. I then can act on my choice with 100% responsibility.
The ability to choose is the life’s gift, Holy Jelly. The open-ended nature of the process is such that my choice and action may either heal or be lethal to both those I love and to myself.
Keep the body free of tension, the mind free of stagnant beliefs, and the heart vulnerable to true feeling. Creating the time and space to be free is difficult. Life is not suffering; it's just that we will choose to suffer it rather than enjoy it. Learn to go for the ride freely, no matter what happens.
The physical brain is real. The mind is an outgrowth of cerebral collisions with the environment. Mind is an obstruction, an aggravation, a kind of evolutionary mistake. The brain is a tool - but when it can't stop thinking it's possessed by mind . When the mind resists life, thoughts arise. Thought is an unconscious re-action to life. When you resist what's happening your mind begins to speed up and creates ripples. The ripples have nothing to do with you. Learn to just watch them go by
Insight is the willing of attention, the channeling of awareness to focus precisely on what you want to see. Surrender is letting all arising thoughts go by without linking them into solid patterns.
My consciousness is not in my body - rather my body is in my consciousness.
Copyright © 2020 Scott Taylor Consulting All Rights Reserved.