Skills, Techniques and Tools
by: Scott Taylor
We all survived childhood-there was no choice.
Learn how you got "hardwired," then use your unique style
to help others.
Life is about relationships-not things or jobs.
Healthy Parents & Managers
Create safe environments for self and others.
Use and model healthy relationship skills.
Verbalize your feelings, then teach others.
Make agreements to communicate with healthy skills.
Daily Communication
Show up. (Arrive)
Pay attention. (Attend)
Tell the truth. (Feel)
No attachment to the outcome. (Yield)
Techniques and skills
OREO Technique
Engage the person (unique self) with a positive statement.
Inquiry if you can talk about a particular behavior.
Suggest again your positive statement.
Characteristic List
Write a negative characteristic list for the person with whom you
have difficult communications.
Sit quietly and find the characteristics within yourself.
Feel the characteristics.
Expand your container.
Write A Letter/Read The Letter
Dysfunctional System Concepts
We are 100% responsible for how we feel.
We cannot feel anything we are not wired for from childhood.
We need to name our/the primary stressor in our lives.
Don't blame others for their behavior, however we need to hold
adults responsible and accountable.
Be aware of your reaction or response to other people.
Avoid projecting your discomfort and holding
Tools & Techniques
Core Intentional Language
Core Intentional Language is used with all the tools below, allowing problem solving to take place in real time. It is a way of using language to constructively speak to another person, regardless of their behavior. The effect is a dramatic change from reactive to responsive behavior.
Generous Listening
Generous listening monitors both behavior and language while looking for key words or phrases to deepen the conversation. These key words and phrases are used to ask questions about what the other person is talking about. This deepens and shortens the conversation and helps the speaker discover his or her own answer.
Questioning Questions
When a question is first asked or a conversation is in process, listen carefully for a key word or phrase (generous listening) that begs to have a questioned asked to clarify their question or statement. That question, if the right question, will cause the speaker to reflect at a deeper level of detail. In this way we get to the vital details, in less time and with little effort.
OREO
This OREO Technique shows how to successfully approach an individual or group regardless of their behavior, connect to their Core Intentions and bring them back into a constructive conversation.
• Top Cookie - Make a value statement that connects you both to a common history.
• Filling - Make a statement that describes a behavior that is seen as unproductive and include how you also have acted this out.
• Bottom Cookie - Make a value statement that connects you both to the results desired and to your future together.
Pushing vs. Pulling Questions
· Pushing questions, in reaction to other’s behavior or statements, have the effect of making them defensive, reactive and challenging.
· Pulling questions have the effect of drawing the other person further into the conversation.
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