Principles For Healthy Relationship

Choose someone with whom you can be Companions & Friends, not just lovers.

• Are you both willing to do things for & talk with your partner in the same way you

are with your best friends?
• Are you both willing to discuss in minute detail about the things they would like to

talk about or the things they would like to do?
• Are you both willing to take the time to create situations or environments that allow

you to express your passions for a hobby, experience, job or friend? • .Are you both willing to listen generously and discuss anything?

• Do you both know how to listen from Core Intentions?

Choose someone as though you had lost the sense of sight.
• Sit quiet, close your eyes and sense what you can FEEL of the other person.

• What does their kindness, their loyalty, their insight, their devotion, their ability to be concerned with you and their ability to care for themselves as an independent person FEEL like?

• FEEL their judgments, their intellect and their boundaries. Write down and share your feelings.

Choose someone that you can incorporate & work with certain faults and characteristic of their hardwiring.

• The very thing that causes you to be attracted to the one you love in the beginning may be the thing that ends up making you hate the person, to go insane, or ask them to leave.

• Check this out with your family and friends. Believe the consensus view about the

health of your relationship. Don't forget to separate out behavior from Core

• However, remember, all is not lost! Learning and using Core Intentional Language

allows hardwired behavior to be naturalized and for both of you to be seen,

understood, accepted, chosen and valued.
• Warning!!! There are several things that are intolerable in a lifelong partnership.

Alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, criminal activity, physical and emotional

abuse, bigotry - anything that makes the person unconscious to/of the relationship. • Also, a person who cannot tell the truth, a person who cannot give loyalty, a person

who cannot face you when a mistake has been made, and persons who try to cover up

a wrong should all be avoided with appropriate boundaries.
• These are all examples of starting or being in a relationship on swampy ground or


Choose someone who is willing to be like you and see the good in others.
• Are you both willing to be fragile & sensitive when needed; strong & adventurous

when needed; and who always has a range of optional ways to feel & act in daily life? • Do you both understand the difference between behavior and Core Intentions and

always lead with positive assumptions about the other person?
• Do you both have the skills to play & fight fair and is intent on finding solutions?

Choose someone who has similar values.
• Can you both distinguish between Core Values and everyday intentions?

• Do you both share the same values about having children, child bearing, child rearing,

roots & roles for women, marriage, religion, work and the use of money?
• Do you both hold the same values about the fundamental importance of growing

relationship and the need to consciously generate new levels of intimacy?
• Do you both concede that agreed upon values must be worked out together before

there is a long-term commitment made to the partnership?

Choose someone who has the ability to keep learning.
• Are you both open to see things anew, are you open to optional ideas and plans, are

you curious about the world, how things work, and how people work? In other words

do your containers expand and contract appropriately?
• Are you both able to open and close your boundaries as situations and times change.

Choose someone who has the ability to laugh at him or her.
• .Are you both able to stop in the middle of a sentence during an argument and do

something silly?
• Are you both, at different times, able to be the first to get back to the agreed upon

communication points by asking questions?
• Do you both have a bigger perspective about life and how your partnership fits into


Choose someone that when you hurt them they feel pain and are able to show it. • When your partner hurts you are they able see your pain and feel sorry?

• Are you both willing & do you both have the ability to do something within 24 hours of a spat to communicate with the other and to move through that form of pain?

(Claming-up is one way to react to pain. However to not show any reaction to being hurt or to hurting another is unacceptable. This non-reaction says that something is wrong

inside the person or that they have given up on you. They will no longer allow

themselves to be fully human in your presence.)
• Its very likely in this relationship you both have been attracted to someone who is

wounded in some way. We all have been wounded during our early childhood

conditioning. If you are attracted to them, they are someone who comes with family scars; those scars, in a variety of ways, similar to yours. As a result your abilities to show pain, and as important, the ability to perceive your pain and feel your pain, will be impaired or damaged.

• Both need to learn to stop and speak to the others Core Intentions when you see the pain in the other persons face.

Choose a person who has an independent inner and outer life.
• Do you both have hobbies, or activities that you do with friends? Woodworking,

writing, gardening, drawing, poetry, meditating, singing, tennis, flying, volunteering,

painting, skiing, reading, collecting or something else that you love.
• Choose someone who is on their own journey; someone with whom you could be a

partner, a fellow traveler on their journey. To be merged with one another, yet

• Choose someone that can be alone as comfortably as joining in with others.

Choose someone with whom you can create a feeling of Source.
• Can you say to others that all that you do in the world is "Sourced" from your

relationship with your partner?

(A bond that can develop between you over time; a bond that can stretch for thousands of miles, or months and months without breaking. Being away from your partner is not a first choice. However, when there is space, you feel the bond and act from it.)

Choose someone who has similar passions in life to your own.
• Do you do things together to create a savings account of experiences to be savored


(These experiences are the glue of the partnership. You draw on these memories to remember good times together and during hard times to support each other.)

• Do you both create situations or experiences for your partner to be in their passion, just for the happiness it brings you?

Choose someone who has the ability to be compassionate. • Are you both willing and able to listen generously?

• Are you both able & willing to give equal time to both partner's needs?

(If a super-active person pajrtners with a mellow, more laid-back person each can give balance the others energies; giving equal time to the others needs and style. This may

take eight to ten years to find harmony, but is essential for a healthy union.)

Choose someone who makes your life bigger.
• Is being with the other making your life expand?

• Do you both feel that life is richer every day you spend together?
• Are both of you growing beyond your early childhood conditioning?
• Would either of you feel more open, free, less stressed if on your own again?

Copyright © 2016 Scott Taylor Consulting  All Rights Reserved.

© Scott Taylor 2016