*Normal Behavior

We Are Normal

We find it normal to scrutinize others behavior.  It allows us to assess other’s personality, character and the significance of their communication.  This is just common sense!  “Normal” behavior has always been believed to be a reliable indicator of who a person is, how they think, what they want and their beliefs about others.  “Normal” behavior involves a combination of facial expression, body movement, gesture, and tone of voice.  

We rely on other’s behavior to understand how they feel and what is missing in their life, their work and personal relationships.  Because we are normal, in conversation with the majority of people, we agree, disagree and cooperate without much effort. Furthermore, our own “normal” behavior is dramatically influenced by others spoken and unspoken language.  The words they use, the sentences and phrases chosen have a clear effect on whether we react or respond to their communication.  

Also influential is the wide range of unconscious feelings that wash over our bodies as we speak and listen.  These unconscious feelings make up a very important unconscious language that we pick up and interpret as a conversation progresses.  This unconscious language is an attempt to express feelings that have no voice or language; feelings that give tone and flavor to intended meaning.  Feelings that attempt to show our real or core intentions.

Origins of Normal

This reliance on people’s behavior, as a measure of who they are and what they want, originates from early childhood conditioning.  We are trained by parents to be hypersensitive to particular behaviors they find acceptable or unacceptable.  We become hypersensitive to how others act, speak and to complex patterns of communication.  We are wired from birth to physiologically and psychologically react or respond when others act out.  Our hypersensitivity to behavior helps us survive, relate and learn, as well as to control, what we believe is abnormal or out-of-normal behavior.

However, People Are Not Understood only By Their Behavior

It is important to understand that people are not understood by behavior alone.  Behavior is used to catch other’s attention, not to be representative of who we are as individuals.  Our core intentions are what really represent who we are and what we intended.  Core intentions differ from the “good intentions.”  

Good intentions are always conditional depending on others beliefs.  

Core intentions are unconditional, the same for everyone, everywhere, at all times.  The universal core intentions are to be: 1. Seen 2. Understood 3. Accepted 4. Chosen, and 5. Valued, while in conversation with others.  Core intentional conversations require a language that speaks to these five intentions.  This core language is distinct from behavioral language, is unconditional and is not dependent on what others believe.

Core intentional language become crucial when the desired results of a conversation have critical consequences to the people involved.  Employee and boss, wife and husband, and parent and child conversations fall into this category.  Furthermore, conversations with auto mechanics, police, repair people, contractors, IRS employees, neighbors, creditors and others can have a significant effect on our feeling of wellbeing.

So why do we often experience less that desired results when in conversations with significant people?  It is because we evaluate and judge who people are mainly by their behavior.  This produces limited results at best.  The relationship anomaly explains the common symptoms of this problem.

Copyright © 2020 Scott Taylor Consulting  All Rights Reserved.

© Scott Taylor 2020